What does— [ But before Kaveh can even finish asking what it means, Jing Yuan is puppeting the cat to make her say she's not a bean, and the blonde starts to laugh. ] I'm not calling her "bean"! You heard her!
[ His smile is fond, though, and he contentedly leans into the arm that is curled around him, the head that is tilted into his hair. Yeah, he needs a hug.
But as for this roommate thing— ]
If we were going to be roommates, you'd have to come to my cottage. This is too small for both of us. ...Besides, I spent so long designing it.
[ He's not sure why he spends such a serious answer on what was probably just a joke, although in the next moment the reason hits him, as the word "roommate" finally settles and the world spins and Kaveh feels like he's going to be sick. He closes his eyes against the sudden rush of tears, puts a hand to his forehead. ]
[Seemed perfectly acceptable for a grimalkin, but Jing Yuan wasn't serious about it anyway. He knows he is terrible at naming and his suggestions should always be disregarded.
He laughs a little when Kaveh launches into a serious answer, taking it light hearted because he's been able to tell that the younger man hates his trailer. It suddenly feels insensitive as it leaves Kaveh realing.
An arm winds tighter around the architect, turning him in a way against his shoulder that makes Jing Yuan unable to read his expression at the moment, giving him a little bit of privacy.]
No need to apologize for your feelings. Grief is a difficult process.
[ He silently appreciates the way the other man pulls him close in such a way that Kaveh can cry in relative privacy (apart, of course, from the fact that he's soaking the other's shirt with his tears). And he knows that Jing Yuan is right, that grief is difficult— after all, he lives with it every day— but he feels stupid all the same, grieving for someone who, for all intents and purposes, is still around, just... not here.
Kaveh swallows. How is he even meant to explain this? The general has never once judged him, and yet Kaveh has also kept from him everything...
He pulls back, his eyes rimmed with sadness and his face written into a quiet, frustrated expression. ]
...A-Yuan, I wanna tell you more about my life back home. Even... even if I'm worried you'll think less of me for it.
[The general is clearly practiced with this; he holds Kaveh to him, but not so tight that he can't extract himself from the embrace he felt he needed to. He strokes his hand over the back of the blond's head, combing his fingers through the loose sections of his hair.]
You can tell me whatever you want.
[Curious though his worry— what had Kaveh done that was so bad? To a man who loved those who had committed grave sins, it was difficult to think of what Kaveh might say that would prompt him to cast him out.]
[ The embrace, tight and comforting, is more than welcomed; Kaveh leans into Jing Yuan's arms and sighs, a soft sound of content even as he readies himself to tell a story he doesn't want to tell, to the person he dreads hearing it the most. A breath, eyes closing as the other's fingers run through his hair, and his hands find each other to tie his fingers into knots, something to do against the anxiety. ]
When I was young, my father died. For a long time, I... I've blamed myself for it. I know now that that's something that's not entirely true, but I couldn't help it anyway. Sometimes I still can't. It was... as a kid it was easy to see it as my fault. I asked him to win a prize in a competition. The competition changed him fundamentally, and he died soon after.
It's really only since coming here that I've been able to put space between what happened and the reality of my feelings.
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no subject
Date: 2024-01-17 11:50 am (UTC)[ His smile is fond, though, and he contentedly leans into the arm that is curled around him, the head that is tilted into his hair. Yeah, he needs a hug.
But as for this roommate thing— ]
If we were going to be roommates, you'd have to come to my cottage. This is too small for both of us. ...Besides, I spent so long designing it.
[ He's not sure why he spends such a serious answer on what was probably just a joke, although in the next moment the reason hits him, as the word "roommate" finally settles and the world spins and Kaveh feels like he's going to be sick. He closes his eyes against the sudden rush of tears, puts a hand to his forehead. ]
...Fuck. Sorry.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-21 04:08 am (UTC)[Seemed perfectly acceptable for a grimalkin, but Jing Yuan wasn't serious about it anyway. He knows he is terrible at naming and his suggestions should always be disregarded.
He laughs a little when Kaveh launches into a serious answer, taking it light hearted because he's been able to tell that the younger man hates his trailer. It suddenly feels insensitive as it leaves Kaveh realing.
An arm winds tighter around the architect, turning him in a way against his shoulder that makes Jing Yuan unable to read his expression at the moment, giving him a little bit of privacy.]
No need to apologize for your feelings. Grief is a difficult process.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-30 12:09 pm (UTC)Kaveh swallows. How is he even meant to explain this? The general has never once judged him, and yet Kaveh has also kept from him everything...
He pulls back, his eyes rimmed with sadness and his face written into a quiet, frustrated expression. ]
...A-Yuan, I wanna tell you more about my life back home. Even... even if I'm worried you'll think less of me for it.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-03 08:12 am (UTC)You can tell me whatever you want.
[Curious though his worry— what had Kaveh done that was so bad? To a man who loved those who had committed grave sins, it was difficult to think of what Kaveh might say that would prompt him to cast him out.]
At my age, there's little to be surprised about.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-31 11:57 am (UTC)When I was young, my father died. For a long time, I... I've blamed myself for it. I know now that that's something that's not entirely true, but I couldn't help it anyway. Sometimes I still can't. It was... as a kid it was easy to see it as my fault. I asked him to win a prize in a competition. The competition changed him fundamentally, and he died soon after.
It's really only since coming here that I've been able to put space between what happened and the reality of my feelings.